(Sits down with a cup of Folger’s Dark Roast, black)
It’s 4:00 am and you stumble back from the kitchen clutching your last remaining life line, your eighth cup of that delectable, aromatic fresh Peruvian brew. Your paper is but halfway done, and daybreak is kissing the horizon. Your professor’s superfluously early deadline of 9 am is beginning to make you anxious, much like a jack-in-the-box near the end of his rhythmic metallic tune. You’ve forgone spellcheck, grammar, and any semblance of structure to sprint through the last four fluttering pages, though you’re still a way’s off. But, you have your answer. You are Popeye and you’ve found that last can of spinach. You are King Arthur and you have mustered Excalibur from the cold stone sheath. You are an undergraduate and you have brewed your second pot of coffee.
Like the warm embrace of a distant relative, the experience is comfortable and familiar. It takes no longer than ten minutes before your eyes widen, your heart begins to beat faster, and your thoughts erupt onto the paper like some mystic geyser. Suddenly, sentences don’t become strained and forced. Instead, your words meander down the page like a cascading waterfall: flowing, artistic, and purposeful. That one cup has defied all odds, it has even fabricated a farce yet fleeting passion for whatever monotonous topic has been deemed necessary to explain in 21 pages worth of detail. Existentialism? Don’t even get me started. Historical materialism? I got good Marx. American Westward expansion and the correlation with technological advancement? I won’t lose my train of thought.
(refills, disgusted by the puns)
The point is, coffee isn’t something that someone simply slurps for self-satisfaction. Coffee for many individuals, myself included, is a gateway to success and prosperity. Coffee is that necessary kick you need, right before that final examination. Coffee is that comfort in knowing you’ll never fall victim to the after-lunch slump. Coffee is knowing you can cram that 21-page paper into one ceaseless writing session. Coffee is that comfort beverage you’re extended at your friends’ house. Coffee is the comfort in knowing you can always find something to write a blog post on. Coffee is that after-dinner necessity when you don’t want that third date to end just quite yet. Coffee is the backbone and lifeblood of the hardworking American, and I hope it remains that way.
Then again, I might be in denial. And I’ve been told that’s not just a river in Egypt. Whether I have a problem remains to be seen. So, if any of my co-workers or family read this and begin to plan an intervention, I have but one request: Please make sure there is a pot of coffee ready to be served when I arrive.
(downs the rest of the pot)
Kyle Phillips, Pi Delta ’16