Second Semester Senior Tips

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This post has been brought to you by The Onion. Not really, but you get it.

Seniors have absolutely no valuable experience or advice to contribute to an Alpha’s performance. Here are some tips for how seniors should behave in their second semester (NOTE: If you don’t get satire, stop reading now…and learn how to get satire. Please don’t do any of the following, but keep an eye out so you can prevent your peers from falling into these traps.)

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Recruitment

Why even go to rush? After all you have already made your friends and you won’t have to hang out with the guys that get recruited past when you graduate. The new guys can’t get into any of the same bars that you can and you are so over large open parties. There’s nothing that these “PNMs” can add to your experience. Plus it’s not like you’re entrusting them with an organization you’ve put several years of work in to.

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Event Decorum

You should show up to any event (including meeting!) late, improperly attired, and do your best to prevent it from being successful. After all, one of the big cornerstones of the fraternal experience is leadership and your class solved ALL of the Alpha’s problems. The only way for the younger guys to learn leadership skills is for you to CREATE new ones.

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Dues

You’ve paid ’em. Literally and figuratively you have paid your dues for the past several years. Just talk to the the #4 about a “payment plan” which really means that you’re only going to pay for Formal. After all, nothing says that you have learned the fraternal responsibility of financial obligations like passing the buck on to the rest of the Alpha.

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Make Yourself Unavailable

Just in case all of the above hasn’t completely made the younger guys hate you, they might just ask for your advice on how to, you know, do things better. Just ignore everything. Pretend like you got a new phone number. Don’t make any transition guide for the new leaders. Do anything you can to avoid being someone that the Alpha can rely on at all.

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